Musical Silence
by gottaloveRedK
Summary: Lily is a mute...she has never ushered a word since that tragic day.  When she bumps into a boy named James and their gazes lock Lily doesn't ever think that she will ever be able to look away.
1. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I dooooo noooot oooowwn Lily Evans or James Potter…no matter how many petitions I send to JK Rowling

Chapter 1

Lily Evans could feel the wind from the night sky send a shiver down her spine as she walked around the vast blackness of the Hogwarts Lake. If she looked behind her she could probably see the shape of her own feet imprinted into the ground following the path she just took. If she looked upwards she could see the pitch black stretch of sky, endlessly going in each direction.

Tonight was a night for thinking. Lily's thoughts wondered into the deep crevices of her mind and through all the old memories that should have never been seen again.

The thoughts she saw were flashes of crimson and glances of tragic endings. She saw her past. Her curse.

"She's mute remember"

"No, she never says anything…quiet that one is"

"Why don't you talk? Huh? Are you stupid?"

These are the words that I hear every day. I don't know why people have to be so rude. Just because somebody chooses to be mute doesn't mean they are stupid or retarded. Because I am so quiet and invisible practically all the time, when somebody does notice me…these are the words they say. No one knows why I never talk. Never whisper a word. I would like to keep it this way, because it's better for everyone if they never find out. Never listen to my tragedy.

The teachers allow me to be mute and never ask me questions in class. And yes…I have to do all non-verbal spells. They are not that hard actually. But maybe I just say that because I have been doing them for almost half my life.

I get up every morning to go down to the great hall and grab a piece of toast. I then go back upstairs and review my homework that's due that day. I might hide behind one of my many books or I might just sit along the side of the Lake and listen to leaves blow on their branches.

But everyday is the same. The same routine. The same people. The same books. The same silence. Nothing ever changes…ever. Until now.

I gave a lurch to the side as a broad shoulder banged into my small one. The pile of books that I was carrying in my hands a second ago fell to the floor, scattering across the ground.

"I'm so sorry. Didn't see you there. I was in a hurry. McGonagall will kill me if I'm late again."

I looked up to the face of the figure that had collided into me and caught the gaze of two immaculate hazel eyes. Actually I didn't really know what color they were. Either, brown or green or blue or gold…something of that sort except all mixed together.

The boy knelt down and started to scramble to pick up the number of books on the floor. I just stared and watched him…not able to speak a word. Literally.

The boy stood up with my books in his arms and stared right back at me. His eyes widened, and his mouth started to gape.

"H-H-Hi. I'm James." He said in a strangely shakily voice. He stuck out his right hand making all of the books fall again.

This time I knelt down to help him. While both reaching for my copy of 'Pride and Prejudice' our hands grazed and an electric shock trembled up my spine. We pulled our hands away immediately afraid to touch each other again.

"I'm James," he said, the stutter gone now, "What's your name?" He asked still holding my books in his hands.

I parted my lips but of course nothing came out.

James waited in my silence. Not getting a response, James looked at me in a caring way and asked,

"Are you ok? I didn't hurt you or anything, did I??"

I shook my head.

"Ok, good. So you're not in shock. So what's your name?"

I stared at him wondering what to do. Should I just turn around and run? Or should I wait for him to leave and just stare at him for now. No one had asked me that question before, since I came to this school. No one wanted to talk to a mute. Because they know that the mute will never respond.

James waited a litter longer before asking, "Can you speak English? Because I know there are a couple transfers here. "

I just stared at him again. I still had no clue what to do. Thought kept racing through my mind. Should I try to talk? Nooooo baaad Idea. I can't talk. Should I mouth my name? No that's stupid. Then he'll think I'm stupid. Actually he probably already does…so bang goes that theory.

"Do you speak?"

Uhhhhh no, I don't thanks for asking. But I didn't say this because I knew that I couldn't. I'm a mute for Merlin's sake!!!

"James! James! Over here! Waaay late for McGonagall!!"

"You know how she gets when she's angry!! I love it!"

"Come on James we don't have all day!"

I looked over James's shoulder and saw three boys around my age calling for James to follow them, waving their arms in a beckoning gesture.

James must have heard them to because he turned around and shouted "Hold on!" He turned back to me and asked me one more time:

"Well, you must have a name. Everyone does. See you around!"

He then turned around and started to flee to his friends. I watched him go the long distance from me to his three companions. He had a skip to his step and a smile to his face. The strides that he took were long and his arms pumped at his sides while running. His hair, already broom swept, flew in the wind and his black robes billowed at his sides. I turned away afraid that I would never be able to if I didn't at that second.


	2. Chapter 3

Hey, thanks to all the reviewers….im kinda new at this so if you ever have any ideas pleeease share with me. And please review for this chapter to, if you do like it or if you don't.

Disclaimer: I do not own Lily Evans or James Potter……..damn it!!

My heart was pounding against my rib cage. I could feel the vibrating of my bones with each thump. I don't think that I would be surprised at all if my chest burst open at that very second and my heart splattered on the tiled floor. Of course I do not want that to happen. I like where my heart is, thanks.

I could still remember the exact color of his eyes. If the color they were was even a color at all. My left shoulder still had the feeling of his shoulder etched into the skin. About five minutes ago I had met the only person that acknowledged me. The only person that saw through my cloak of invisibility. Through my mask of silence.

I felt different. Like every molecule in my body was alive and humming. A ringing was in my ears and a slight skip to my step. I didn't know why.

'Why do I feel different? What was it that changed me? It couldn't have been the boy…could it? He was just a boy. How could he have this effect on me? Damn it!'

Since I had only two classes today, and they were both at night, I walked across Hogwarts ground to the lake residing next to the forbidden forest. I laid myself down at the edge of the greenish water under my favorite willow tree.

I grabbed my bag that had fallen off my right shoulder, rummaged around for a second, and then pulled out a sketch book and a piece of charcoal.

I looked around myself for a minute, trying to find the perfect figure to draw, when finally my eyes landed on a small lily pad with a frog sitting comfortably on top of it. I set my hand on the blank paper and started to draw a line. The line became a circle and the circle became the outline of the lily pad.

I took my a reasonably long time to finish the drawing considering that the frog was actually a toad and toads have witch warts all over themselves. I took time shading each and every shadow and making sure the triangle cut in the lily pad was just the right size when compared to the warty toad.

I wrapped my one arm around my knees and used to other to hold the sketch pad in front of my face. I scanned my drawing to look for any mistakes of proportions or shading. I studied each detail until I was totally satisfied with my creation.

"You're a very good artist. I especially love the picture of the fairy on the mushroom."

I jolted out of my position and violently turned around only to see the exact person that I did not want to see at that very moment. James.

I hastily started to pick up all the papers that supported my drawings, which I had placed around me and shoved each one into my bag recklessly.

James put a gentle hand on my shoulder and turned me slowly around.

"I don't bite…Hard" He said with a serious but mischievous voice.

I swallowed loudly and turned around again to finish what I began.

James stopped me again.

"Why are you so hasty to run away?"

I focused my gaze on him and did not let it waver trying to let him know that I would not answer.

He turned away, somehow reading my eyes and bent down to pick up the last piece of paper that I had not gotten a chance to stuff into my bag. The frog picture. The one that I had just drew.

I tried to snatch it out of his hands before he could glance at it, but of course I have to reflexes of a retarded cat, so my hand missed by about six inches.

James's eyes ran down the length of the page as if making an effort to memorize each trait of my own hand.

"you have a talent… I haven't discovered your name yet. Are you sure you cant tell me?"

I nodded my head.

"Well then can I guess?"

I didn't move. James took this notion as an affirmative.

"is it…Paige?" he said drawing out the I's in his words.

I didn't make any movement of response.

"no? Rebecca? Abigail? Caroline? Beatrice?"

I shook my head for each of these names. He would never guess it. It wasn't a very common name in these parts.

James looked at the picture in his hands and the lily pad floating on the lake. There was a difference of course. In every picture I make it exactly similar to the actually figure I am drawing except for one detail. I add something, usually with some kind of meaning. Since I was drawing a lily pad at the time and my name is Lily, I sketched a Lily right next to the frog.

James brow drew together in concentration, as he looked from my paper to the model that I had copied from. He finally looked at me and asked;

"Is your name Lily?"

I almost gasped in disbelief. How in the world had he figured that out? There is no way he could have found out the secret of my drawings. No one ever did. But it would be impossible for somebody else to, because no one else has ever tried.

I practically dropped my bag right off of my shoulder. H-how d-did he k-know? It was ridiculous.

My eyes dilated with doubt and skepticism. James took this movement as a confirmation of his guess and nodded.

"An angelic name for a graceful flower."

Yep. That's me. A graceful flower.

How about a tragic mute? Or a silent idiot?

He handed back the picture of my frog and lily. Again our fingers grazed together giving a jolt of spark between skins.

He looked up into my eyes and but I looked down again, trying to avoid his intense stare. It was as if he was trying to read my mind. Which he most likely was because I never speak. But this was different. He was trying to use my eyes as a window to my soul. My past. My ill-fated, painful past. The time in my life that I never wanted to think about or hear about ever again.

So I could not have a boy ruin that for me. I didn't want him to look so deep in to my eyes that he unleashed the memories that were buried long ago.

His stare was venom. A poison, reaching into my heart to tear away the shield that had long protected it.

That shield had become thick in time and I believed that one boy's stare might be able to penetrate its barrier.


	3. Chapter 4

Thaanx for the reviews guys!!! They're awesome. I'll try to update regularly because I really do like this story. But I have a ton of homework so sometimes I might be slow. Keep reviewing!!

Disclaimer: no I do not own james potter or lily evans…but I feel flattered that you would think so!

"Yea her name's Lily Evans…the real quiet one with red hair?"

"Yup that's her. Why doesn't she ever talk?"

"I don't know. I've heard the teachers talking about her. She's supposed to be mute. But it's funny; they said she wasn't always like that."

"Like what?"

I was crouched behind one of the many tall book cases stacked close together in the quiet library. With my knees supporting me, I leaned my head further past the row of thick books in the history section.

"James, snap out of it. Ever since this morning you've been in some sort of dreamland. You need to get your thoughts straight," said Remus.

James and Remus were sitting two feet apart from each other at one of the small library tables. I had been listening into their conversation ever since I had heard James's voice.

Remus waved a hand in front of James's face.

"Hellooo! James, you belong here on earth. Not greeting aliens."

James shook his head to get rid of the picture in his mind and snapped out of his reverie.

"So what were you saying before?"

Remus shook his head in defeat. "I said that I have heard the teachers talking and they say that Lily Evans wasn't always mute."

James looked at him with a doubtful fierceness. "What do you mean? I thought that you had to be_ born_ mute."

"No you don't."

James face features turned his face into a confused expression.

"Some people can choose to be mute, James." said Remus, exasperated.

James laughed, "But who in the world would want to be silent their whole life?"

I gulped, holding my breath.

"Well maybe she was in some tragic situation and it altered her way of thinking. I truly don't know"

James sat content. "Well it doesn't matter to me what somebody's past is. It is the person that people become that matters."

"And Lily turned out to be a mute."

James turned to look at Remus, "Yea, so?"

"Well," Remus shrugged, "You can't really communicate with a person who never talks. It's like talking to a banana."

"What's wrong with bananas?" asked James.

Remus looked annoyed, "Nothing, James, but you can't necessarily read their minds, can you?"

"Actually," said James, with a small smile on his face, "I _can_ read Lily's mind."

Remus stared at him, shocked.

"H-how…what are you talking about?"

James laughed, "I didn't mean that way." He sighed, "Though I wish I could. I mean I can tell what she's thinking just by looking into her eyes. You know how they say that eyes are the window to your soul?"

Remus nodded. "Yees…"

"It's true. If you look close enough you can feel what they are feeling. See what they see. Think what they think. It's incredible."

"You're talking crazy James," Remus exclaimed, "You can't _read_ Lily's soul."

"But I can...not literately, but," then James whispered, barely audible, "She's beautiful."

I let out a breath that didn't realize I had been holding. The air left my lungs with a whoosh so loud, that Remus looked behind him to see what made the sound. I bounded to the right of the shelf so that he wouldn't see me.

Thankfully he didn't, but he still looked suspiciously at the tiny section between the two shelves ample with novels.

He thought I was beautiful. Me, the girl with hair that tangled in endless ways. The color of…well, with no color. It had many different shades of orange and red and some tints of a blond. I was a fire head. A head that was a flame.

The only reason that nobody hosed me down with their wand was because when they did a double take they realized that the orange flames were actually just really ugly bunchesof hair plastered onto a girls head.

Haha, I was a walking ball of flame. Great.

And my eyes. They were a whole different story.

Painted a bright green, they looked like the color of bile. It makes me gag just thinking about it.

My lips were definitely too big and full. They were a blood red color that really stood out against my pale skin. I had a few freckles sprinkled across my nose that only looked like blemishes if you didn't look close enough.

No, I was definitely ugly.

I walked down the dimly lit corridor. No one was walking the halls at this time of night. Usually they were doing homework in the library, or partying in the common room.

I was the only one that could hear my light, small steps on the shining floor. They made the air around me echo with each advance that I made.

The lights flickered in their lanterns, printing a shadow a on the side wall. The lights danced and swung about the flat stone and made my stomach feel the least bit dizzy.

I wandered down the stone paths until I found an out of order bathroom. I swung open the wooden door and shut it hard so it made a loud noise.

I dropped my bag onto the floor and walked over to one of the cracked mirrors.

There was a fog over the reflected surface. I used my sleeve pulled over my hand to wipe a circle in the dirt. I saw my face.

I couldn't remember the last time I looked in a mirror. Maybe it was last summer, or last year.

I couldn't recognize myself. It felt like looking at a stranger. The only thing recognizable was the bright green of my eyes. But they were a different shade of green. At one point in my life I thought they were a pukeish, bile color.

They were the same color, but I could see them differently now. It was as if I has cleared the smog from my eyes and was now seeing what was meant to be seen.

My eyes were a startling lime color. A darker ring surrounded my pupil that made the Irish girl in me come to focus.

I twirled my fingers into the silky red tresses that were the flaming fire ball I had thought before. The curling red and orange locks that went from the top of my head all the way down to the small of my back, looked nothing like I remembered, but still the same.

The tight curls have loosened because the hair had grown at a rapid pace so that it there was now at least a foot difference then from where I remember the line of hair ending.

My fingers grazed over the lips that I had once thought as huge and bloody. Now a pouty cherry red. And the pale, pasty white skin that was blemished with freckles. Gone. In its place was a skin of porcelain with cute Irish freckles placed neatly in right places.

"Are you deaf? I've been calling your name for at least three minutes." said a voice, clearly annoyed.

I twirled around expecting to see an angry girl telling me to get lost. Instead what I saw was the very opposite of an alive angry girl.

A ghost floated in front of me. A rather plumpy ghost of a girl with thick round glasses and two identical ponytails stuck to either side of her head like handlebars.

"Hello! I asked you why you were staring into the mirror really hard like. It was rather annoying so I was about to tell you to get out of my toilet. Why are you staring at me really weird?"

I didn't say a word so I just stared at the ghost girl. Trying to tell her with my eyes that I was a bit busy at the moment.

"I don't like people staring at me like that. It gives me the creeps. So stop!"

I looked down disappointed. I guess it only worked on James then. How odd.

"So can you leave? I was just about to do my daily moaning ritual and stopped myself when I saw you hear. So if you could leave…" she whined.

I looked into the mirror again to catch the last glimpse of my reflection. I started to bend down to lift my bag onto my shoulder but stopped when I heard the ghost girl's voice again.

"I think I know why you're in here." She paused, "I wouldn't mind coming in here to stare at myself if I were as pretty as you."

I turned around again, and scanned her appearance.

She wasn't the most dashing ghost I had seen. Her plumpness was rather a fat problem. Her pigtails were so tight to her head that I thought I could pull them off and paste them back on if I wanted to. Her thick glasses could barely show any sign of her eyes and there was also a number of pimples and warts on her forehead and cheeks.

"I'm moaning myrtle"

I made a confused expression.

"That's what they call me at least. I guess I've gotten used to it."

I took pity on the girl. It was obvious that the bathroom was vacant because of her. I wondered how she had died. She was so young. Younger than _me_ at least.

I wondered if this was my fate. To linger on earth for all of my years , only to be known as the mute ghost of a teenage girl with a tragic past.

I hope not. It was a terrible thing to happen to someone.

"I love the fire color of your hair. When I was alive…" Myrtle sucked in a gasping sob and stared to whimper.

I looked at her with a concerned face. Mentally asking her if she was ok.

She looked at me and realized what I was trying to say, "Oh, yes I'm alright. It's just I hate being dead. There's nothing to feel, nothing to taste." She sighed, "All I can do around here is sob invisible tears."

I frowned at her, showing a sad emotion.

"Yea it gets quite lonely. I wished that I had the sense to make a better life for myself when I was ali-ali-alive." Myrtle stuttered.

While floating away she said, "I'll just leave you to your business. I was probably just interrupting your human moment."

Myrtle drifted away with a rather depressed look on her face. She was most likely looking for another place to mope.

I didn't want to end up like Myrtle. She had a sad and lonely outlook on life. She lived with regrets and sorrow. I wanted to live my life to its full potential.

I just didn't know how to do that. I had forgotten. So long ago when terror had struck my life I never thought that another happy moment would appear again.

No sunshine would creep through my window in the morning when I was rubbing the sleep from my eyes because I closed the room from the outside world.

I to, I realized, lived with regret and sorrow. Nothing had helped me in the past try to move over the mountain of memories that invaded every thought in my mind.

I was lost.

There was no hope.

The least I could do was stay away from James, so he didn't resurface the thing I was trying so hard to make disappear.

He said himself he could see into my soul just by looking into my eyes. What if I got closer to him and he found something else? Something that he didn't see before? Something that changed his mind about the person he thought I was.

Before I left I turned around and looked into the pitiful cracked mirror one more time to look at my new reflection.

It was still the same. Nothing had changed in the past five minutes.

But I realized something that had never occurred to me before,

I whispered in a voice barely above the whisper of a leaf, "I _am_ beautiful" and smiled for the first time since that day …


	4. Chapter 5

Thaaanks for the reviews…I will definitely keep writing

And if you have any ideas or ways you think I could improve my writing please don't hesitate to tell me…please…and if you have the time tell your friends about this story!! Spread the love!

Has anybody read the twilight series? Anybody like Jacob black? Cuz I suuure do!!

On with the story!!!

Disclaimer: No I don't own lilykins or Jamsiepoo…who ever gave them those nicknames???

At the moment I was squeezing yellow goop out of some sort of plant like animal.

It had yellow circular mouth, which kept trying to rip off my hand with its razor teeth, with bulging green spikes up along its stem. The thing repeatedly moved back and forth in an attacking motion. He was the hunter I was the prey. But it was supposed to be the other way around. I was supposed to be squeezing gulpy yellow pus out of his spikes and he was expected to quiver in fear of myself.

Not happening. Not a chance.

"Now you have to take your hand firmly around the bottom of the spike and work the pus upwards until it reaches the bucket. I can't understand why I've had to send four students to Madam Pomfrey already!" said a very frustrated Professor.

I can. The plants were vicious. It snapped at me again as I jumped back covering my face with my arms in protective instinct.

"Here let me help you with that." said a tall boy of about six, two with a tenancy to get in my way.

I backed away from him avoiding his gaze, remembering what I had heard him say in the library. He cannot read my mind. He cannot read my mind. He cannot read my mind.

James lifted the bucket and set it under one of the creature's spikes. It seemed to be behaving perfectly now. Cowering far away from James.

It must feel my fear. Radiating off me within every second.

"You don't talk much do you?" said James, obviously knowing that I never talked.

I looked up for a split second, only to look down again from his ardent, lingering gaze.

James sighed, "Why won't you look at me? I told you before, I don't bite."

I hesitantly cringed my neck upwards again. My eyes met his. Green met Hazel. A sharp compulsion sprang between the two of us. A lightning bolt stuck the both of us and jagged its way down into the deep pit of our stomachs.

Both of our eyes stretched in surprise. Of course this wasn't new, but it was never as strong as this.

My heart began thumping in my body. I could feel the blood cursing through my veins. My breath getting heavier and deeper as our gazes kept in contact.

Lingering. Never swaying. Our stare never wavered.

The James's lips curved into a small frown for a split second and I broke the contact. Letting my hair cascade around my face.

Why had I done that?? Why am I so stupid to indulge in a few seconds of light away from the dark? He had obviously seen something. He frowned.

James swallowed and continued talking, "So…Lily", my name sounded so…beautiful rolling off his tongue, "I..."

He was cut off.

"Oh so I see you have tried to correct Miss Evans here in her mistakes. Good luck."

James gave a small grin of modesty.

"Since you have already succeeded in filling two buckets full of the pus…You and Miss Evans will be partners from now until the end of the year. God knows you need It Miss Evans."

The professor walked away with a grim expression glued onto his face.

James turned to me, "So I guess we're partners!!" he said with a broad smile crossing his features.

"You may go now, class is dismissed." The professor waved his hands in a careless gesture and the entire class body stood up and started to clear out of the green house.

I leaned down to pick up my own leather bag planning on leaving with the rest of the students, but James was too quick for my pitiful reflexes. He snatched up my old bag and put the strap over his should with his own bag supported on the other.

He smiled, "You can't expect me to let you carry this monstrous bag all the way across ground can you?"

I frowned and walked past him with my arms crossed and a brisk step in my legs.

James jogged up to my side gasping a little because of the weight of the two bags.

"I haven't gotten any chance to talk to you yet and I have been longing to." James spoke, with a slight huff in his voice.

I looked at him. He was a sight. With two fifty pound bags hanging over his shoulders and a wobble in his step he looked like a crippled old man in an eighteen year old body. I laughed, barely above a whisper, but I laughed.

James stopped in his tracks, a mouth in the shape of an O and eyes as wide as melons.

"Did I just hear you…laugh?"

I stopped to. My feet still, on the ground, making an imprint of my shoe in the muddy grass. My eyes flashed with regret of stupidity.

That had never happened before. Ever. No whisper has ever left my lips in front of any human since…

James blinked, "I thought you…I heard you were…mute."

He stopped seeing the expression on my face at the moment.

"Not that that is such a bad thing!! It's perfectly fine! Not a…" He stopped.

I looked away again, instead of looking at James, who was carrying my bag so I couldn't move away from him; I looked at the glimmering of the lake in the midday sun. The water reflecting the bright yellow rays of the fiery sun. The weeping willows dipping their branches filled with leaves into the glassy surface of the water, breaking the black glass and making a perfect ripple instead. Letting the light of the sun make an even brighter appearance. It was truly a sight to be seen.

James caught me staring at the rippling water. Looking from me to the water and back again.

"You know," he said, "There are many beautiful things in this world. But what I'm looking at right now, _has_ to top them all."

I kept my eyes on the sun water, thinking he was referring to the lake, but when I turned around to look at his face once more I saw that he was staring at me rather than the spectacular sight in front of us.

I roughly grabbed my bag from his shoulder and placed it on mine and took off running in the opposite direction.

I ran away again.


	5. Chapter 6

Heyy…ttanks for the reviews…oh and if you read the story could you pleeeeeeeeease just take two seconds out of your life and review…just a couple words..i would really appreciate it…really

And who looooves Shakespeare??

Heres thheee…..6th ? chapter…haha

Disclaimer: I would neeeeever eeeever….ummm what was I gonna say?

I was trying to make my way through the congested heated room when a wet, vile smelling liquid spilled over my head, soaking into my hair.

I reached my hands up into my spoiled tresses and wiped my fingers through the hairs. I lowered my hands down and realized that the liquid was a strong firewhiskey.

I shook out my hand in disgust and looked around at the student body packed into the circular common room. There had to be at least a hundred people crowded into the small room. Body's pressed together in heated dances. Sweat pouring off of their moving forms, following a path down their legs and onto the floor beneath them.

There was obviously a party happening in the Gryffindor common room. Drinking, dancing, grinding, a party.

I felt somebody rub up against me from behind. I turned around and saw that a boy of about 17 was grinding into me with his hips. He roughly placed his hands on my sides and shoved me into him at the rhythm of his own tempo.

I squealed and tried to push him away but he only started to rub into me harder. I struggled and squirmed but he wouldn't let go.

He took hold of my face between my hands and tried to touch my lips to his, but I stuck up my hand between our faces and turned my head so that he only was able to reach my neck.

I felt sick. Nauseated. I was starting to smell the sweat being produced from the body's around me. The stench lingering in my nose like a warning.

The boy kept jerking into me while I tried to wrestle from his strong grip.

"Come on, why don't you dance? Just go with it."

He shoved his hands up my abdomen so they stopped on my breasts. I heaved in a heavy breath.

I had to get out of here. Into some quiet place where no one could touch me the way he was right now.

"Hey, what are you doing to her? Get off her!"

And there was James. He dived in between us and yanked us both apart. I immediately felt cooler and less congested.

He gently placed his hands on my shoulders and looked into my eyes with concern.

"Are you ok? Did he hurt you?"

I shook my head.

"I saw her first! Get your own whore!" shouted the drunk boy.

James twirled around and in a split second the boy was on the floor and James was above him with his fist still raised in anger.

Then he turned to me again and with madness still embedded on his face, he rushed us both out of the crowded room.

His hand held mine in a warm embrace. I could feel his heart beating in his thumb. The thump of blood underneath his skin. His skin was reassuring against mine and the pace of my own breath was steadily getting faster.

Everything was rather blurry. The shapes ahead of me weren't the shape I remembered them. The colors all blended together in one universal compound.

I was walking in a jagged line with only James as my guide. James was my leader in my moment of weakness.

He looked at me acutely and said, "Are you sure you're ok?"

I nodded.

"Positive?"

I nodded a second time.

"Good."

I realized that his hand was still in mine and quickly released the hold and tucked my hand behind my back so he couldn't undo my action. I looked down from his gaze and stared at the intricate patterns of the carpet instead.

James glanced from his hand to mine for a few seconds and then said, "Why do you pull away?"

I kept my head down and didn't say anything, obviously.

"Are you afraid of me?"

I took a second look up but looked back down so you could barely tell I even lifted my head.

"Are you?"

I stood silent.

"I think you are," he paused, "either that or your scared of yourself."

I looked up this time without hesitation.

James smiled lightly without any enthusiasm.

"You're scared of yourself. You don't want to get to close because you don't trust yourself. You think you might actually want to get close in the end if you try to. You don't want to lose them once you've got them."

James stared into a distant place that I could not see. His eyes glazed over with a peculiar fog. His mind elsewhere.

He shook his head and snapped out of his thoughts.

"Is it true?"

I stared.

Was it? I was scared, yes. I didn't want to get close. I didn't want James to penetrate my heart with his hope and friendship. Because I knew that if he ever did I would lose him. Not only emotionally…but physically.

James stopped the silence with his words.

"I think it's time to invent a game. A game to learn more about each other."

My breath started to become ragged once again. Wasn't I supposed to be running away at about this moment? Why were my feet moving in the same direction as his?

I tried to turn my heels and flee, but the only thing that was pounding fast was my heart.

"So, can you think of anything?"

I looked up at him through half closed eye lids and shook my head hard enough that my brain rattled.

He nodded with understanding.

It was interesting, after talking to me and never getting an answer, he still asked me the questions you would ask a person who would actually respond, instead of standing there in silence.

He treated me with respect, and the authority of an equal.

"I was thinking along the lines of a question game. What do you think?"

I still wanted to run, but I felt that if I did, my feet would give out under me and send me crashing down the velvet stairs.

"How about a game of truth? Huh?"

I looked at him with an odd expression, as if saying, how in the world do you propose we do that?

"Well, errrr we do it the normal way I guess. You ask me a question and I ask you one."

I pinched my brow together in confusion, when I really should have been running in the other direction, away from this boy who could eventually find out my past if I kept at this.

James looked at me sternly, with a finger in the air, "Remember, if you can't answer a question, say pass, and then the opposing person has to answer one more question honestly before winning the game."

I nodded, still perplexed with the idea of how to complete this fantasy.

"Now, I guess I'll go first," He paused for a minute, then took a deep breath, "Have you ever been to France?"

I stared at him, no I haven't.

He nodded, "You haven't? Well you should really go sometime, it's amazing."

My face turned into astonishment, how did he know that? It's not like he can read my mind.

"Your turn."

I then spoke in my mind, trying to trick him, to prove to him that he really couldn't read my mind.

'What's your favorite Shakespearean quote?'

He smiled, "Oh that's easy," James turned to me, took my hand in his, and gazed into my eyes as I back into his.

"'Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight, For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.'"

He looked at me. He gazed into my eyes, into my soul and saw…me.

Lily. My past.

He saw the crimson color that spread through my thoughts. The deep screams of my loved ones that echoed through the mists.

He let go of my hand with fright. A scared look passed over his features. Horror now scared his face.

He backed away slowly, a step, two steps, down the stars.

The look upon his face never wavered. The quiver in his hand became stronger. Until I couldn't take it anymore.

I fled. I ran. Away.

Away from my past and away from the one person that had seen it.

I was terrified also. Now somebody had seen the hazed screams and smoke and silver.

He had only seen outlines of what I had tried to cover, but that was enough.

Why does one boy have to ruin everything I had built around me?

Why can he see right through me?

Why am I so translucent?

Where did my barriers go?

Why did he speak the only words on written paper that make my heart break?

Why?


	6. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: There is no possible way I own Lily Evans and James Potter…because I am looking at my birth certificate right now and my initials are not JKR. Why!!

I was still running down the same hallways that my feet had been pounding against for the past five minutes. My legs were starting to become sore and the soles of my feet were throbbing.

I finally reached the heavy wooden doors of the great hall and swung them open to reveal the fresh night air from the Hogwarts grounds.

My feet lead me straight to the Black Lake to sit down upon its muddy banks. My breathing still heavy and my heart still pumping rapidly, I took off my shoes and socks so that I could dip my feet in the cold water.

The water was instant relief for my angered feet. The cold pushed down the swelling from running so long, so far, in such a short time.

I put my arms behind me for support and leaned my head backwards to gaze up at the stars.

I could see Orion and his belt. I spied the youngest star, Rigel, which was a pretty bright blue. Then I saw the oldest star, Betelgeuse, that while older than most, was the most unwavering. Orion, the mighty warrior. The exact opposite of what I felt at that moment. Instead of strong and heroic I felt weak and pitiful.

My arms could barely support the light weight that I was. I actually was probably too thin. Almost a skeleton.

Since I was rather tall and angular, my eating habits the past few years most likely hadn't done anything to help my body.

I used my small fingers to open the round plastic buttons on the front of my sweater. My hands trembling with each sphere. Had I become a skeleton maybe? I didn't know, I never looked.

I opened up the last button and looked upon my stomach and abdomen.

The results weren't half as bad as I had expected.

Yes, I was very thin, almost skeletal, but not quite there yet. You could see the outline of my ribs but the creamy skin wasn't sunken in. There were red blotches covering wide inches of my skin. In patches over my stomach, the red dots were probably from hunger or starvation, because I hadn't been eating lately. I was starting to get an odd reaction rash.

I heard my stomach growl and put my hands to the white skin.

I was hungry, I realized. Really hungry.

The wave suddenly hit me like I had never eaten before. I had an urge to eat everything in sight. My stomach growled louder and I took off at another run leaving my shoes forgotten at the side banks.

I ran with all my might trying to remember the last time I had eaten a full meal.

Of course I eat a few scraps everyday to keep me alive and going but never a full meal. Never.

I ran down each hallway and corridor, becoming steadily closer to my destination. I finally came down a slim hallway with multiple portraits of food on the cream colored walls.

I stopped at the Picture of fruit and reached my hand up to tickle the pear. The green shape giggled and the portrait swung open on its hinges.

I lifted my foot and stepped inside.

"Yes, Felix, about three muffins should do it, and a cup of tea, thank you. Oh and could you throw in a few rats if you have any, Fawkes is quite hungry, but I think he is a bit too tired to hunt tonight I'm afraid."

"Right away, Professor!" squeaked a small house elf with abnormally large blue eyes.

The house elf named Felix ran to a cupboard in the wall and came back in a few minutes with around five rats, tea and five muffins.

Felix held out the item s to the Professor with pride, "Is this enough, Professor?"

The man smiled, and his eyes twinkled behind his half moon spectacles, "Oh yes, that is definitely enough, and with interest, thank you Felix, I appreciate it deeply."

The elf shrugged with modesty and delight, "It wasn't much sir, I am happy to serve." And he bowed so deeply that his long nose almost tipped the tiled floor.

"Goodbye Felix, I'll see you another night, for yet again, another midnight breakfast.", spoke professor Dumbledore.

"Of course sir, of course, goodbye" and Felix bowed with respect again.

I realized that Dumbledore would soon come my way so I dashed behind a tall stack of flour sacks to hide myself.

Dumbledore, started to walk normally past my flour pile, when he turned around and eyed the white powder behind his spectacles. He smiled.

"It's quite alright Miss Evans, you can come out now."

I looked confused, how could he see through this thick wall of flour? I shrugged. One of the many talented skills of Albus Dumbledore.

I stepped out of the flour pile ready to accept my punishment for my minor crime.

"You don't have to worry Miss Evans; I will most definitely not give out any detentions tonight. For I am also guilty in the act of a midnight snack, so if I was to punish you I would also have to do the same to myself, and how would a detention look, on the record of a Hogwarts Headmaster?"

He smiled with a bright blue twinkle in his eye.

"Not very good at all, no."

I smiled weakly, and looked down. Dumbledore stared at me with a concern.

He said slowly, "Lily is there anything you wish to tell me?"

I shook my head. No.

He studied my face a moment. "Well, you think the word; I will have to believe you."

He smiled once more, and then said, "You must have been hungry when you came down here, because this is, after all, a kitchen. What would you like, a muffin? I strongly suggest those, they taste heavenly when they are freshly baked."

I nodded, regaining the hunger I had, had minutes ago. My stomach growled suddenly, with a very strong noise.

Dumbledore laughed slightly, "Well indeed, you are hungry! We must get you something to eat."

Dumbledore then called for one of the many house elves surrounding the kitchen before us. About ten of then came running, including Felix from a few minutes ago.

"Yes sir? What can we do for you?" One of the elves asked Dumbledore.

"Will you please send Miss Evans a full breakfast with plenty of muffins?"

The elf bowed, "Yes master, right away."

"And one more thing." said Dumbledore, "Please call me Dumbledore or professor, not master."

"Of course sir, whatever you ask." Then the elves scattered off and started to gather the necessary foods for my breakfast.

Dumbledore lead us both to a small table in a large corner of the room. We sat down and made ourselves comfortable.

"I ask them the same thing every time I come down here, but every time they repeat what I ask them not to, they say master. I am not their master; I am merely the person that supplies them jobs and a home. I am not here to give them orders. Merely requests. They can chose whether they want to follow them or not."

I stared at Dumbledore astounded. I had never heard anyone talk about a house elf in that manner. People usually just tossed them off to the side as creatures that obey, nothing more.

"So, Miss Evans, what have you been up to these past weeks of schooling?" Dumbledore asked.

I stayed silent, hoping he would remember my path of the mute. He did.

"Ahh, I remember, you have taken an ode of silence. Interesting. I can't remember any other student at my school that had taken that oath."

I stayed silent still.

"But you know, the silence is usually more talkative then the noise." He paused and in that time I was able to make a face of confusion.

Dumbledore smiled at me. "You see, the thoughts that were silent before are now louder then speech, and sentiments become known and spoken through the mind. The silence you now hear is musical with words."

I stared perplexed. That was exactly how I would explain it if I could've thought of the words first.

"Sometimes silence is more beneficial then speech. You hear more, and think faster." He paused once again, "In my opinion all people should become friends with a person who chooses to be silent, because then talk becomes precious and you learn to respect the silence and all of the thoughts and senses that it brings."

I thought about the words that he spoke in the short silence before the ten elves and Felix came with my food.

"Here you go miss, enjoy your food!" And then all of them left except for the one elf Felix.

I dug into my food with scourging hunger that I never knew I had inside me. My stomach started to grumble with satisfaction as soon as it started to fill with muffins, eggs and other delicious breakfast foods.

When my plate was barely scratched at the surface, Dumbledore stood up and told the elf Felix to keep adding to my plate when it emptied, he thought I was going to be very hungry.

"Yes sir, Professor! Keep adding I will." And with that sentence, the elf gave a soldier salute.

"I am now going to go and leave you to your hungry desires. I will see you shortly at the Gryffindor table." And with that said, Dumbledore swept himself out of the kitchen with one more sparkling smile behind those half moon spectacles.

I kept eating repeating Dumbledore's words over in my head, with a chicken half hanging out of my mouth. While Felix sat down in the chair Dumbledore had just occupied and started a story of an overly jealous dust pin and an immaculate perky mop.

Authors note:

Hope you liked that….I think it was my favorite chapter…because of Dumbledore of course…haha. Who doesn't love Dumbledore?!?!?!

And what do you think is ever going to happen to the lost shoes by the lake uhh???? Who gonna find them(in sing song voice)

Please please review…all you have to do is press the little blue button at the bottom…come on, I know you want to!!!!!


	7. Chapter 8

Oh my gosh, thaaanxs for the reviews…I can't believe how many people like this story!! Its awesome!

Don't worry you'll find out about lily's past soon…and for the people who want more James and Lily action…you'll get it…Oh and I was trying not to make the characters like JK Rowling's…they are my own version.

Disclaimer: I hope I didn't create Lily Evans and James Potter, because if I did I would have hundreds of people swarming around me asking: "How did you do it?"

I was carrying a green cargo bag around my shoulder full of school books and an old paper back in my left hand. I was hurriedly walking down the staircase to the great hall for breakfast, putting my sleepiness aside for the moment.

I kept feeling my eyelids droop in drowsiness. This was probably because of the late night snack I had had only a few short hours previously. I was afraid that I was going to trip because my eyelids kept closing and opening.

I had went up to my dorm, careful not to wake any of my dorm mates, when I had finished my meal and had quickly fallen asleep as soon as my head hit the fluffy soft pillow. When I heard movement around me only about three hours later, I knew I had to get out of bed if I didn't want to miss breakfast.

I threw back my covers grabbed my bag and my book and raced out of my room and down the stairs as if running was the only cure to tiredness.

Now, I still had on the same clothes from the day before and this included my robes with my wand in its pocket, my tie and scarf. This was it. The last time I had encountered my shoes was at the Lake where I had left them. I guess I'll just have to go and get them before class. Or I'll just miss class today and sit by the Lake today. I could sure use some time to ponder.

I had reached the tall doors of the Great Hall and was now pushing them open with a slight shove.

I walked down the middle isle to an open seat, along the Gryffindor table. I sat down on the wooden bench and took out my book while I ate the remains of my late breakfast. I think I had wiped out the kitchen last night.

My eyes were scanning the pages of the words written on the thin pages… 'What do I not owe you? You taught me a lesson, hard indeed at first, but most advantageous. By you, I was properly humbled. I…'

My reading was interrupted.

"Never understood the concept of that book…no matter how many times I read it. How can Lizzie accept such a pompous, egotistical git?"

I jerked out of my seat with such a velocity that when my elbow hit the tip of my plate it went flying into the air and landed….on James head. How convenient.

James laughed. "Not the exact welcome I was expecting but it was better then what I had thought would happen."

I immediately stood up and ran off through the hall, making sure to grab my bag on the way out.

"Hey, wait up!"

I kept running, trying to ignore the calls from behind me.

"Wait!" James had caught up to me and was now tapping me on my shoulder as a gesture to slow down and listen to him.

I turned around with a delay and a grimace on my face. Why did he keep following me? Was he so surprised that someone was mute that he had to figure out why? Well I was going to make sure that he doesn't.

I stared at him with, what I hoped was anger, and hate. James didn't even flinch…even though I knew he had known exactly what I was trying to do.

He lifted a pair of shoes in front of my face. "Guess what I have!"

I gasped. He must have found them the last time he went down to the Lake. But when would that have been? At five in the morning?

I reached out for them trying to snatch them from James's strong grip. That did absolutely nothing, but let our hands get another chance to meet and graze skin once again.

James shook his head, "Nope, you're not getting them back until you answer a few more questions from our game"

I sighed. I had to get my shoes back, they were my only pair and I couldn't afford new ones.

"Now, errrr, what is your favorite place in the world?" said James.

How are you going to read my mind this time huh?

"Come on, at least try to answer."

Uhhh fine, the cottage next to the beach.

"Interesting. But where would this cottage be located?"

I wasn't even going to pretend to be surprised this time around when he read my mind. I was getting used to it, and the initial shock had worn off. But it did remind me about why I tried to stay away from him in the first place.

I tried to grab for the dirty old shoes again, but missed.

"No you're not getting them that easily. It's your turn."

I shrugged and didn't put up a fight or run away. I didn't feel like using any effort today and I really did need those shoes.

Why do you think you were put into Gryffindor?

James sighed, "Ahhh that's a hard one." I looked at him confused, James smiled slightly, "Well you see, I don't know why I was put into Gryffindor. The hat had thought of every other house until I said I wanted to be in Gryffindor. "

I stared at him, interested.

"Yea, well, I don't really have any Gryffindor qualities either. People say I do but not really. I'm not chivalrous or brave. The intelligence I have isn't very high on the I.Q. scale, so I really don't know why I was picked to be here. The thought still troubles me today."

I tripped. On my own socks, I tripped. I fell down, my arms flailing and my book bag falling off of my shoulder. The only thing that stopped me from hitting the hard stone floor was the soft but hard, warm figure underneath me.

When I fell I guess James had come down with me. I was lying on top of him. He was completely underneath me.

It felt good. Our bodies melded into one figure as my weight pressed into his. I could feel the defined lines of his chest through his thick robes. His hands went from the floor into my hair, which was cascading into a curtain around our heads.

We stared into each other's eyes; a fiery sparkle was in both of our gazes. A tingle went from the tip of my head to traveling down my body until it reached the bottom of my feet. I could feel the butterflies flittering inside my stomach.

The contact wasn't broken until one of the people walking around us knocked into both of us and ruined our gaze. The contact gone and the moment dead.

James leaped up and offered a hand to me. I refused it and got to my feet by myself. I couldn't stand to touch any part of him or I was going to burst.

"I'm sorry about that." He said in a shaky voice. Apparently the fall had affected him also.

I looked down with a blush creeping onto my face. The feel of his body still on mine.

The people around us started to move faster, hurrying to get to their first class.

"Well, I guess you can have your shoes back now. There's nothing else to say if we don't want to be late."

He handed me the filthy shoe, caked with mud.

"I guess I'll see you later then!" he said while walking away.

Later? I hope so…I mean not…

Please review….i would reeeeeealy appreciate it…just three words (I love it, I like it, I hate it.)

This was just a filler chapter but in my opinion a pretty good one, but nothing to exciting.

Review and ill write more…please!


	8. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I can't think of one at the moment…I'll get back to you…

"Please don't hurt them! Nooo!! Please! I didn't mean to!! It wasn't my fault! Just stop it! Please!"

The man in deep black robes that was standing before me turned around slowly, his black cloak sweeping across the floor. He looked at me with disgust seeping out of every pore in his body.

"You deserve it. Crucio!" He raised his wand that was pointed at the four people and uttered those horrible words. Malice was written over his features as the four struggled in front of him, their bodies cursing with pain.

The two men and two women writhed in agony and I could do nothing to stop it. Nothing could break the invisible binds that were strapping my thin arms to the chair. I squirmed and tried to slice the bonds with my teeth but nothing happened. They were, after all, invisible.

I could hear the screams of pain echoing from the mouths of the four defenseless humans.

I screamed out again, "Please stop, please. I'll do anything!!"

The slit eyed creature turned its head only the slightest bit and lifted the curse on his victims, "Anything?" he asked.

"Yes" I said, nodding, "Anything."

"You're lying. You don't care about these people. You hate them, despise them. You claim to love them, but in reality, you can't wait until the day when you can leave their lives forever, and never, ever return. You want me to torture them, don't you Lily?" he grinned.

I shook my head with tears about to fall out of their lashes, "No…no…please."

I could barely speak. It was as if the voice in me almost died away. The determination gone.

"You want them to die. It's your fault Lily, your fault."

I lifted my head in the slightest and saw the anguished faces of the people.

"No…"

"Yes, Lily It's your entire fault. You brought this among these lifeless people, didn't you?" the evil creature grinned with satisfaction.

"No…no." I whispered.

"You know," he said with curiosity, "I wonder what kind of amusement it would be if I did this the muggle way? Do you know? I guess not…I'll just have to try it myself. The slow, painful way. And I'm sure I'll be much more fun for you to watch."

I didn't stop him. My voice gone, my strength gone. My will…..gone. I couldn't stop him. It was pointless trying.

"Do you happen to have a very sharp knife anywhere?

* * *

I woke with a start. My brain and heart pounding with blood. Sweat was pouring off my face and falling into my already soaked sheets.

My legs were wrapped endlessly in white covers

Another dream. More real and alive then the last ones. He…was getting stronger, I knew it.

It was like experiencing it all over again. The terror etched in their faces. The screams still echoing in my head.

I reached my hands up to my face and felt my puffy red cheeks. I brought my hand back down and in the light I could see the sparkle of salty water on my finger tips. I rubbed the water between my fingers then touched it to my lips. They burned from the salt in my tears.

I laid my hand down again and saw a bright red substance on my finger. Blood. I could recognize it anywhere. I had seen it so often.

I untangled my legs from the wet covers and dropped my feet to the floor. I walked over to the bathroom and lit a lantern by running my hand over the wick.

The tiled walls lit with light and I saw my face. Streaked with blood.

To stop myself from screaming I had bit my mouth closed during my deep sleep. Apparently I had bit down to hard because I had bit through the thin skin of my lips. The blood had gotten everywhere from all of the motion that I had done when trying to wriggle from my bound chair.

I looked liked I had just come from a massacred village. Some of the blood had gotten on my night shirt and the extra blood that had flown down my face when I was still, created a creased line around my neck.

The blood line looked like my neck had been split open.

I turned on the faucet and used the clear water gushing out of the pipe to clear my face of the crimson paste.

The pigment lingered on my skin, but that would soon wear off. I washed my hands of the blood and watched the rest of the red color swirl down the sink into darkness.

"What are you doing in here?"

I turned around to see a girl in a long pink night dress standing in the middle of the doorway.

"It's three in the morning; go to sleep for Merlin's sake."

She left the doorway and not soon after that the flame flickering happily on its wick blew out.

I was left in the dark. I decided to walk up to the astronomy tower since I haven't taken time to study the stars lately.

I walked out of the room and down the stairs leading to the common room.

As I was leaving I thought I saw a head, right above the couch belonging to the person sitting down and enjoying the midnight fire.

I did a double take but the second time I looked, the head that I had seen before had disappeared. Vanished into thin air.

I was positive I saw a head. I may be mute…but I'm not seeing things.

Then I heard a creak of wood bending on the boys' staircase.

See? I wasn't crazy…

I whipped my hand in a flicking motion and hit the invisible force that was making all of the fuss. I had to prove to myself that I wasn't crazy.

The thing that I hit made a grunting noise followed by a small moan.

"Bloody hell, all you had to do was ask!"

The person pulled off a piece of cloak with one hand using the other to rub the side of his chest, where, apparently, my spell reached its target. His longer black hair swished into his face, covering his eyes.

"What kind of charm was that? You didn't even use a wand."

I stared, perplexed.

"Well?"

I just stood there. Like always.

He walked over to me, with confidence edging on the line of sheer cockiness.

He held out his hand in a greeting gesture. "Nice to meet you I'm Sirius Black."

Sirius Black? As in _the Black's_?

"Stop looking at me like that. Don't you have any other expression?"

I looked down in shame. My face reddening in remorse. He was the first person in a long time that had made me feel ashamed.

"Usually when somebody offers their hand and name, it is polite that the opposite person return the offer. Or did your family not teach you that?" he laughed.

I stayed silent, wishing I could answer him to show him that my family did teach me polite manners, that I wasn't a common fool.

Sirius shook his head in amusement, "Don't you ta….wait, are you Lily Evans?"

I nodded slowly scared of what he might say. He was after all, in league with the people that made my past the terrible way it was today.

"So you're the girl James keeps talking about! He never shuts up actually. One time I had to use duct tape." he laughed in remembrance, "I can tell why he's crazy about you, I mean, just look at you! Gorgeous. But you know James's is my friend darling, so nothing can ever happen with us, unfortunately, sorry for getting your hopes up."

Inside I laughed, outside I stayed as still as a statue trying to keep the emotions that were edging on my lips, in my mind.

"You don't talk, do you? Odd. That's what James said, but I never actually believed him, just thought you were shy. But then I heard Remus say that it was true, you really never talked, so I had to believe it because, well, Remus is always right."

He talked…a lot. It was as if he never stopped. He was a radio gone haywire. It was hysterical. You didn't even have to listen, just watch, with all the hand motions and the slight walking and jumping, it looked like a one man circus.

If you looked closely you could see the grey of his eyes. They were cloudy with thoughts and emotions never showed. I could tell just my looking into his eyes that he never expressed any of the thoughts traveling through his mind. He kept it all inside…like me.

"Why are you down here? Bad dream?"

You don't even know. The dreams residue still resided deep in the corners of my mind as I tried to push the hated memories out of my thoughts.

"I know that's why I'm down here. Never could sleep through a whole night since I was little. Bin a bit of a problem to tell you the truth."

Interesting. That was the same with me.

He stared at me a second evidently tried to gauze my reaction. He sighed, disappointed in my lack of facial expressions.

"I guess I'll get goin then. Gotta sleep at some point." He started to walk towards the stairs. But stopped.

He turned around and said to me, "You know James is a real great guy. Give him a chance. He's the best brother I never had. Goodnight. Don't let the dream bugs bite."

Sirius then walked up the stairs silently and slowly as I tried to remember the words he said. 'The best brother he never had.' But didn't he have a brother? And why was a member of one of the most prestigious dark magic family's sorted into Gryffindor?

You know, Sirius was a lot like me. We didn't show our emotions. He acted happy and talkative all the time. I stayed silent. We were different but the same.

Then I remembered back to the dreadful dream I had back upstairs.

The screams, the pain, the agony.

The terror, the misery, the hate.

The evil in his face.

It was my entire fault.

Authors note: I have been waiting for that chapter. I hope you liked the part when I introduced Sirius. I thought that it might have been better to introduce him another time…but then I decided now would be good.

The answers to some of your questions are here but not all of them….its not the whole story…I left out the most important parts…but you might figure it out if you're really smart…or not idk.

But please review…it's the only incentive of updating…That and the satisfaction of my own writing

But mainly just you guys…..come on the buttons right there….you can push it!!!


	9. Chapter 10

I sooorryy!! Haha I didn't mean to take this long before updating. But school work and life sorta got caught up with me. I really do love this story. At least better then my other ones. Yea, so without further ado. Here comes the next installment towards this lovely story 'Musical Silence' (at least you people think so) p.s. thanx for the reviews!!!

I swung my bare feet over the side of the shingled floor beneath me and let my toes dangle over the edge of the two hundred foot tall roof. The black square pieces were rough between my fingers as I leaned my weight on my hands. Half of my body was about to fall to its death and the other half was content in safety.

It was the same with my mind. One half was telling me that the small monarchs fluttering in the pit of my gut were out of happiness. The other side was screaming at its brother. My mind was scolding the thoughts of bliss because it thought that instead of a sense of security it was a foreboding omen.

There was a part of me that was happy, and I wouldn't let it flourish. I tried to kill it, and watch it squirm. But this happiness, this…joy, wouldn't budge. It stayed. Unflinching and constant, like an old veteran.

It came from him.

The spark of humanity that kept me grounded and stopped me from throwing myself from the scratchy black shingles, was him.

A boy.

One with broom swept, black as night hair and shattering hazel irises.

My fingers lingered on the outskirt of the roofs edge. Maybe it wouldn't be too bad. If I just jumped. It would be quick and easy. No one would worry or wonder where I went. People would just forget the small shadow in the corner of their classes, if they even remembered the shadow in the back of the room.

I wanted to take the tiny bit of me that felt happy and step on it. I wanted to squish it. I didn't deserve it. Not after what I had done. Not after the terrible sins that I had committed.

Yes, I deserved to be miserable. I should be punished.

But instead I was blessed. There was a six foot tall guy that was following me around trying to be my friend. What an idiot. I'll never be his friend no matter how hard he tries, because whoever gets within a foot of me ends up…well, not in very good shape.

I'll bet you he'll be gone by the end of this year.

A shadow cast over the roof where I was sitting, flinging a darkness over myself. I looked up into the sky, and saw that that the thick clouds had covered the gleaming sun that had once sparkled. The clouds looked heavy with drops of rain ready to fall.

My prediction was right. After the very thought crossed the orbs of my mind the clouds started to weep large spheres of clear water.

The rain pelted down onto my head and quickly soaked through my old, holey shirt. I stood up on the steady roof, put my head back and opened my mouth. I let the rain drops hit my tongue.

I remember, as a small child I used to stop whatever I was doing during the first snow fall of the season and run as fast as my little legs could carry me outside. I would twirl around in the lightly snow sprayed grass and try to catch each and every small creation on my tongue. It was pointless because it always seemed that the snowflakes were trying to avoid me the harder I tried to catch them. I was usually in luck if I caught one or two in the whole of five minutes before my ears started to freeze and fingers started to turn blue and I hurried back inside.

I remember. I also remember my innocence. My child's mind and heart. The innocence and purity that was not present in me today.

When every inch of my body was soaked through I decided that this might be the time when I went inside and took a nice hot bath.

I had my wand in my left hand while I tried not to put too much pressure on the squeaky stairs. They were very old and from time to time they had a knack for getting late night wanderer into trouble.

I cringed as an especially rickety stair gave way to a reasonably loud squeal. My body froze and my eyes started to swivel around the stair case for any unwanted professors. I didn't spot any lurking in the shadows so I kept moving.

I came to a dimly lit corridor and strolled down its walls until I reached the entrance to the prefect bathroom. No, I wasn't a prefect or Head Girl, but I wanted a bath.

I lifted my wand and uttered a string of words that I had read in an old dusty book from the back of the library. Always look in the dusty books. They have the best information.

I felt the door move slightly underneath my fingertips so I gave a heavy push and the thick entry gave way to the enormous, royal room in front of me.

I had seen the room before but every time my eyes gazed upon its silver taps and sparkling mirrors I stared in wonderment.

I walked across the shining floor towards the swimming pool in the middle of the room. I ran my hands over one of the many dazzling gold and bronze taps and scrutinized each one until I found my favorites.

I picked pasty white vanilla smelling foam, a lemon and lime flavored water and a variety of flower smelling bubbles that floated just above the water's surface.

When the pool was being filled with all of these wonderful smells and foams, I went over to the basket full of fluffy white towels and picked a particularly soft one from the top. I set the towel down next to the sink and started to strip myself of my clothing.

I pulled off my soaked shirt and sweatpants and dropped them next to my towel. I lead myself to the edge of the massive pool and dipped my toes into the waters depths. They came out warm and satisfied. The water was just right, so I jumped in.

I could feel my body being emerged into the foaming soaps of the bath. The smells lingered around me and up my nose. I was going to smell like this bath for the next week.

I laid my head down on the side of the tub and rested my tired neck and shoulders. My tired mind and thoughts. All of the worries and concerns of my pitiful life started to edge away from my brain and into the abyss. They were finally starting to creep away from my senses as the smell of vanilla went to my nose and the feel of the warm water pressed against my body.

My mind was at rest and my body at peace as I heard the door to the entrance give a soft click. My heart gave a leap and my eyes opened wide as I further heard the door swing open and a person make deadly footsteps into my place of solitude.

I lifted my head off of the side of the water filled pool and looked at the intruder who disturbed my moment of peace.

It was a boy of about six feet that adorned raven black hair and circular glasses. My worst nightmare.

My heart must have been beating around a hundred miles per hour inside my chest and it was pounding in my ears. But he didn't hear it. He also didn't smell the aromas surrounding the huge room. He didn't see my things next to the immaculate sink and he didn't see a small figure floating in the large pool sitting directly in the middle of the floor.

He was oblivious to everything surrounding him. Maybe it was the fairly old looking piece of parchment hovering in front of his face. His eyes were scanning the piece of paper like the words spread over the thinning parchment was the answer to the mystery of life.

But when he put the paper down on the ground and started to pull off his shirt, it was obvious that this wasn't the reason.

Time had stopped. My mind was thinking in overdrive trying to get myself out of this situation. Why can't he see me? Or smell me? I mean, jeez I thought he was intuitive for Merlin's sake!! There was no way out of this ordeal. My towel and clothes and wand were lying next to the sink on the other side of the pool and ten feet away from the pools edge.

I was doomed. But maybe not, that small piece of happiness in my mind kept saying. Maybe you should just sit back and enjoy this like a normal person would do.

I shouted at myself. No!! There is no way I am sitting here and waiting for James to notice me. I'm not going to let him get undressed in front of my eyes, though it would be very interesting to watch, no!! What am I saying!!

While the two sides of my mind were fighting, my eyes were watching. His rough hands were now at the black buckle of his belt and his shirt was already off exposing his nicely toned stomach. I felt myself swallow heavily. As my eyes scanned his chest they landed on a small tattoo of a lily that was half hidden in the section of his pants which I knew would be removed any second if I didn't say something.

Which I couldn't, I'm mute.

I made the choice very fast without any thinking it through and wondering about the consequences, I threw my arms back and flung them forward slapping them on the water, making a fairly loud splash on the water's surface.

James spun around quickly with his hands still fumbling with his belt buckle and gasped when he saw what made the splash in the soapy water.

"I…I…I'm sorry. I had no idea…didn't see you…sorry." James sputtered with quick breaths.

He looked very flustered and embarrassed with a shy expression stamped onto his face.

He started to pick up his things and lead a path towards the door, but I felt a wave of guilt and remorse run through me and felt myself lift my hands and give another loud splash on the water calling his attention.

James stopped in his tracks and slowly turned around, unaware if the splash was a call or a splash of anger. He looked at me and I gestured towards my clothes and towel.

He looked confused, "Errrr…you want me to give you your towel and clothes?"

I nodded.

He walked towards my things hesitantly like I was about to hex him at any moment. He picked up my belongings and brought them over to the edge of the pool, sure to stay a good distance away from me.

I spun my finger in a motion, asking him a favor.

He still looked a tad confused. But he turned around all the same, his hands behind his back holding his piece of parchment, clothing and wand.

I lifted myself put of the pool and immediately felt my heart leap to my throat. My stomach weaved itself in knots from the feelings passing through my heart. I scolded myself once again.

Quickly I dressed myself into my already wet clothes after drying myself quickly with the white towel.

I could see him rocking on the heels of his feet in anxiety. His hands were twiddling with the possessions he was holding.

I finished with my task and tapped him on his bare shoulder and slightly shivered when skin touched skin. He turned around and looked at me with a question hovering on his tongue.

I pointed at him and then gestured to the pool. I did it again when he still looked slightly confused.

Realization hit his features, "Oh, thanks. You didn't have to do that. I could've taken a shower in the dormitories. No big deal." he said.

I gestured again, persistent.

James sighed, "Ok, if you really want me to. Thanks." I nodded. He smiled back.

I would never stop screaming at my own thoughts for existing. My heart hadn't stopped rapidly beating and my breath still fast. My fingers still tingled from the slightest of touches on his shoulder and the knots in my stomach had only gotten tighter from reminiscing the way the colorful lily tattoo dipped into the black line of his jeans.

I hated myself for feeling this way.

I walked out of the aroma filled room and into the hallway, still soaking wet and plagued with a troubled heart.

Authors note::::

I loooove this story and where it is going and I will mostly likely keep writing.

But I would really like you guys to keep reviewing like you are doing…it really is a lot of incentive. I was wondering…should I delete the first chapter…I mean the prologue?? Because I get twice the amount of hits on the prologue then I do on any other chapters. This must mean that people are reading the prologue and not like it so they stop reading. Actually I was thinking of adding the prologue onto the first chapter instead. What do you think????

Well….anyway, please review, even if you don't like it, and give me some idea for the story because I occasionally have writers block!!! Thaaaanx!


	10. Chapter 11

Hey guys,

I am so so sos os sos oss sooo sorry for not updating as fast as I could, I hate people that do that. I hope this chapter is a good one.

Chapter 10

I remember one time when I was seven; I asked my dad if he could sing a lullaby to me so I could fall into a deep sleep filled with enchanting dreams. He covered my smooth porcelain hand with his calloused one, leaned over me and spoke through his red beard.

"Why would you need to sleep so deeply? What kind of reality do you need to hide from?"

My mind wandered to the nightmares that had recently infected my dreams. I didn't want to wake up with screams still rattling around my head.

I shook my head and replied, "nothing."

The old man's smile grew bigger and the next time I saw him open his mouth, a song was all to be heard.

"Time lasts forever, it goes on and on,

Only Time will tell,

Safely your sleeping, clouded by dreams,

Far, far away from this spell."

His voice still echoes in my ear and the words are imprinted in my memory.

I was walking along the side of the lake, digging my toes into the soft spots letting the murky water puddle above my foot.

I was having the dreams again. They were haunting me and there was no way to get rid of them. The only thing that ever did was the sound of my father's voice singing that delicate lullaby. But his voice was never to be heard again so I must find some other way.

Instead of my father, maybe I could sing the lullaby. It would never be the same but at least it was worth a shot.

I started to sing. The words were frozen in my throat at first, but the longer and harder I tried, the noises and words started to piece themselves together.

I was singing. I could hear my own voice.

It was like I was never silent, like I was a bird singing a love song to the morning sky.

It sounded beautiful. But was that possible? Could I bring forth that much beauty to the world?

It couldn't be me. Maybe it was some other bird singing or mermaid humming.

I stopped singing to see if I was right. The music stopped to.

I started singing again, and the music started to play again.

The song was me. I really was humming a hymn, singing a song, and caroling a chant.

And it was beaut…..

Footsteps. I could hear them. I stopped, and turned around, afraid of what I might see.

And what I saw was the worst possible thing that I could've seen; James Potter, with an astonished look upon his face and a guilty look in his eye.

I almost screamed. He had heard me. What if, during my time of music, I had decided to tell the world my secret? Why I am quiet and invisible.

I would have died right there on the spot, if I hadn't remembered that I had legs and a pair of feet. I ran with all of my might and strength. I ran faster than air and quicker than light. Basically, I was wind with feet. At least I thought I was, until James caught up right next to me with breath still in his lungs and his blood still circulating.

I couldn't run any more. There was a lump in my throat and a pain in my chest. I had to stop or else I would pass out and James would have to carry me up to the hospital wing.

I put my hands on my knees and let the held air withdraw from my filled lungs. I stared at the ground and forgot for a split second, why I was out of breath.

Wait, why was there a cramp in my thigh and a drop of sweat on my forehead? I looked to the right of me and saw a charming face with rave hair and a tight smile.

Oh, that's why.

As soon as I caught my breath I started to walk again, but James didn't let me,

He grabbed my arm and said, "Lily, wait."

I turned to look at him, giving him one chance to say something.

He sighed, "Why do you run away?"

I blinked and turned again to walk back to the castle.

James lurched and this time grabbed my hand. And of course the familiar spark passed through my body once again making my head spin and my shoulders shiver.

"I want to know, Lily." He held his breath, "What I heard back there," he gestured to the small hallow by the willow tree, where I had sung, "was amazing. It was like a wolf baying to the moon with a sorrowful but delighted, bated breath."

I stared at him.

"You know what you have to do?" he asked, "You've got to live a little. Do something stupid." he laughed, "sound good?"

I shook my head.

He sighed, "Well, you're going to so you better get prepared."

And with that he pulled my hand and ran off so that I couldn't utter a sound or make a movement of protest. He was carrying me like I was weightless. I couldn't do anything to stop him, no matter how much I wriggled or shook my arm, his grip was staying there.

He led me across gardens of weeds next to the many green houses filled with foreboding plants. He pulled me across the pumpkin patch next to Hagrid's Hut and through the bright green quidditch field to the small den next to the changing rooms. Right before the pumpkin patch I had given up, James was determined.

"Do you have any idea how fun it is to ride a very thin piece of wood, a hundred feet up in the air with nothing beneath you but pointed mountains and fresh air?

I shook my head yet again.

James grabbed a broomstick and placed it, floating, three feet above the ground. He held out his hand.

"Are you ready?"

I vigorously shook my head. Was he really serious? I thought he was kidding, just trying to scare me, I….ahhhh!!! I screeched.

James lifted me with effortless motion onto the front seat of the broomstick right in front of him and he took off way faster than I ever thought possible.

"Open your eyes." He said in a husky voice, and the whisper sent chills though my body

I hadn't even realized that they were closed. But when I opened then I then saw what I had been missing for the last seventeen years of my life.

Beauty beyond imagination was stretched out before me. As I felt the wind blow against my warm cheek, I looked out into the world that I had closed my eyes to long ago. A world of peace and serenity.

Birds were flying in all directions through the white fluffed clouds that floated over my head and through the sky. The green, rolling hills of Scotland went on for miles and miles until they reached a place that I could not see so far off into the distance. There was a foggy mist hovering over the land that was barely touching the ground and it seemed as though it was reaching for the sky but the ground could not part with its beauty. The sun was smiling down upon the whole scene with a twinkle in his eye. And I could've sworn I saw the pure white splash of a unicorn frolicking gracefully across a single hill.

I wanted to lean back and just lay there for hours, waiting for a sign to cross the sky, or a star to wink in my direction. But when I started to lie down I felt a hard but warm wall against my cheek. I sat up quickly; remembering what warmth it was but then slowly came back down to rest my head on his safe and secure arms. I looked up to the sky through the clouds and up to heaven and smiled.

He laughed and whispered into my ear again so that his lips were touching my skin, "You're free."

Actually that seemed a lot like a one shot to me, but that's ok, as long as I updated im good. Please people update, if you like it, or you don't, actually, I would rather have the honest truth.. thanx!! So far eveythings been really great so I hope today is the same!


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